A Mayor from Leyte went to the congressional district of Laguna to visit his political mentor. When the Congressman invited him home for dinner, the local politician was very impressed by the lavish mansion, grounds and the costly furnishings. He asked, “Paano po ninyo ito napundar samantalang wala kayong negosyo at maliit ang sahod natin sa gobyerno?”
The Congressman smiled knowingly and took him to the window.
“Nakikita mo ba Mayor iyong ilog?”
“Maganda ang view, nakikita ko po.”
“Nakita mo ba yung tulay sa ilog?”
“Oho, naman,” said the Mayor.
“10 per cent!” said the Congressman smugly.
YEARS LATER, the Congressman had occasion to pay a return visit. The Mayor lavished all hospitality on him. When they came to his house, the Congressman was stunned by the huge palace the Mayor had built, glittering with precious art, hundreds of servants, etc. etc.
“Paano mo napundar ito samantalang nasa mahirap na lungsod ka at maliit ang iyong sahod dito?”
The Mayor called him to the window.
“Nakikita ninyo ba yung ilog dun?”
“Oo, naman, malaki ang ilog ninyo dito pala.”
“Eh, nakikita ninyo ba iyong malaking tulay?”
The Congressman looked, was confused, peered closely and said, “Wala yata akong nakikitang tulay brod.”
“100 PER CENT!!!” said the Mayor.
It was election time again. So, a senatorial bet decided to go out in a very, very remote barrio to gather support from the people. A group was assembled in the Multipurpose Hall to hear the speech.
The politician had worked up to finale and the crowd was getting more and more excited. “Pinapangako ko sa inyo ang mas magandang edukasyon at maraming oportunidad para umasenso kayo!”
The crowd went wild shouting, “Taki! Taki”
The politician was a bit puzzled by the dialect but was encouraged by their enthusiasm. “Isusulong ko ang reporma sa pasugalan para magkaroon ng madaming trabaho at umunlad ang ekonomiya dito sa inyong lugar!
“Taki! Taki!” cried the crowd, stomping their feet.
“Lahat kayo dito ay gaganda ang kinabukasan at magtatagumpay!”
The crowd reached a frenzied pitch shouting, “Taki! Taki! Taki!”
AFTER THE SPEECH, the politician toured the town and saw a tremendous herd of cattle. Since he was raised on a ranch, and knew a bit about cattle, he asked the town’s community organizer if he could get closer to take a look at the cattle.
“Opo Sir” the organizer said, “kaya lang ingat po baka makatapak kayo ng TAKI!”
An old couple had a son, who was still living with them. The couple was a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his future career.
The parents decided to do a small test.
They took a Five-Hundred peso bill, a Bible and a bottle of Johnny Walker and placed them on the front hall table, and hid, pretending they are not home.
The father’s plan was: “Kung kunin ng ating anak ang pera, siya ay magiging negosyante; kung Biblia naman ang kanyang kukunin, mag papari yan pero kung yung bote ng alak ang kukunin, tiyak magiging lansenggero na yan.”
So the parents waited nervously, hiding in the nearby closet. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive.
The son saw the money they had left. He took the bill, looked at it against the light and slid it in his pocket.
After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it and took it. Then he grabbed the bottle, opened it and took a whiff, to get assured of the quality.
Then he left for his room, carrying all the three items.
The father slapped his forehead, and said: Tangna! Ang anak natin magiging pulitiko!
Late one night in Batasan, a mugger wearing a bonnet jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.
“Ibigay mo sa akin ang pera mo!” the hooded man demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, “Hindi mo dapat gawin iyan, ako ay isang Kongresista!”
“Kung ganun,” replied the robber, “ibigay mo ang AKING pera!”
A Political party in Manila decided to spend a week end in one of Palawan’s high-end beach resort. Twenty politicians, all related to each other, were in attendance for the merry making. As evening fell, a group of terrorists were able to sneak into the resort and successfully marooned all the politicians and made them all as hostages.
The leader of the kidnapping group aired on radio his threat. He warned, “Bigyan ninyo kami ng ramson sa halagang 10 million o kayo rin, pakakawalan namin itong mga pulitiko!